Making Friends With Our Fears

Founders, makers, and creators in particular are prone to keeping their fears private. Fear does not seem to be compatible with conviction. It must be hidden if one wants to succeed. Fear is not inspiring. It instils doubt. Fear is not the mark of a great leader. It makes us look weak. But every leader experiences fear — fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of rejection. Exploring new frontiers and pushing the boundaries of what is possible is inherently scary. Launching a new startup, designing a new product, exploring a new market — we don’t know what we don’t know, and as educated we want our choices to be, each step is still a step in the dark, a big question mark. For trailblazers, fear is universal.

Fear itself is not bad. In fact, as one of our oldest survival mechanisms, it can even be healthy. It can help avoid reckless decisions, heighten our awareness, and fuel our motivation. Yet, despite its ubiquity and potential usefulness, we don’t talk about fear. As a result, we often get all of its drawbacks without any of its benefits: work is slower because of analysis paralysis, communication is unproductive because we hold back information, innovation is scarce because we avoid taking any risks. In contrast, what would happen if we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and to make friends with our fears? What kind of world could we build if we embraced our doubts and shared them with others? Imagine how much faster, more productive, more innovative — and even more fun — work would be if we managed to accept that vulnerability is compatible with creativity, that doubt is reconcilable with courage, in short: that fear is an inherent part of any groundbreaking enterprise.

Of course, that’s not an easy feat. We are wired to blindly follow our fears, even when they cause unnecessary anxiety. Our need for belonging makes us scared of disappointing others, so we keep to ourselves what we perceive as a weakness. We haven’t been taught how to communicate our fears in a constructive manner. In short, we are ill-equipped to make the most of our fears. But there is a simple framework we can apply to welcome our fears and even take advantage of them.

First, we need to FEEL our fear. Our body has three natural reactions to danger: fighting, fleeing, or freezing. Our stress response to a perceived threat has an immediate physiological impact. Our heart beats faster, our breathing speeds up, our blood thickens, our skin produces more sweat. Instead of ignoring these signs, we should connect with our inner feelings and notice their intensity. Accepting our emotions without judging ourselves is the first step towards courageous vulnerability. A mindfulness practice such as meditation or breath- work can help feel our fear without experiencing additional anxiety.